You know what really grinds my gears?
Swinging for the Fences
Matt Watson
Issue date: 4/20/09 Section: Sports
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Lots of things.
Steve Phillips' commentary. The phrase, "greatest game ever." The attendance numbers from the Alabama spring football game during the Nick Saban era.
No one cares how many Tide fans show up to watch a meaningless scrimmage. What else are they going to do in Alabama?
No, the game you're watching probably isn't the "greatest game ever" and that wasn't "the best play I've ever seen." Let's think about context, sports commentators. If it's not a perfect game in the World Series (Don Larson, 1956), it's not the best pitching performance ever. It doesn't matter how many points LeBron James scores or how many defenders he jumps over, he doesn't have six rings like Jordan. And how many "games of the century" can one century have? We're nine years into this one and we've already had the USC-Texas Rose Bowl, Boise State's statue-of-liberty game and Arkansas stealing the boot from LSU two straight years, and that's just college football.
And no Steve, describing someone as a "gamer" or a "ballplayer" is not analysis. Word on the street is Phillips loses every year in the ESPN staff fantasy baseball league, and Phillips is a former general manager in real life. He's a gamer though.
You know what else grinds my gears? The designated hitter. It's just an excuse for Jason Giambi to bat .230 for another ten years while his body eats itself without steroids. I'd rather watch Micah Owings tee off against his fellow NL pitchers.
I don't like poker or NASCAR on television either. Most students drive in circles every day on campus looking for a place to park, and if I want to watch people lose money, I'd like to share the profits.
Speaking of gear-grinding, excessive NFL Draft hype, the Yankees, six weeks of NBA playoffs that include half the league, Avery Johnson's drawl and the other three out of four years we have to hear about Michael Phelps.
And how do you shoot yourself in the leg?
I hate game-winning field goals and walk-off singles too. If the NFL wants to fix its overtime problem, just make teams have to score a touchdown to win. Defense is half the game, but you shouldn't be able to kick the ball 40 yards to win a game after 22 guys have been killing each other for three hours. Same with game-winning bloop singles. If a walk-off hit doesn't land in the bleachers, it shouldn't even count.
What is Stephen A. Smith's problem? And why is he yelling at me through the TV? Being louder doesn't make you right-er Steve. Even ESPN has decided they've had enough, and they let Joe Morgan hold a microphone.
I don't get bullpens in baseball either. When I was growing up in the 60s, Bob Gibson threw three complete games in the World Series and hit a home run himself in Game 7. Now you have to have a closer, an eighth-inning guy, two set-up guys, a couple of lefty-specialists, a swingman, a combo guard, a few lieutenants and a partridges in a pair tree.
There is way too much gear-grinding going on these days. Nate Robinson in the Slam Dunk Contest, the exploits of A-Roid and Keanu Reeves in general.
Matt Watson is the assistant sports editor of The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Monday.
Lots of things.
Steve Phillips' commentary. The phrase, "greatest game ever." The attendance numbers from the Alabama spring football game during the Nick Saban era.
No one cares how many Tide fans show up to watch a meaningless scrimmage. What else are they going to do in Alabama?
No, the game you're watching probably isn't the "greatest game ever" and that wasn't "the best play I've ever seen." Let's think about context, sports commentators. If it's not a perfect game in the World Series (Don Larson, 1956), it's not the best pitching performance ever. It doesn't matter how many points LeBron James scores or how many defenders he jumps over, he doesn't have six rings like Jordan. And how many "games of the century" can one century have? We're nine years into this one and we've already had the USC-Texas Rose Bowl, Boise State's statue-of-liberty game and Arkansas stealing the boot from LSU two straight years, and that's just college football.
And no Steve, describing someone as a "gamer" or a "ballplayer" is not analysis. Word on the street is Phillips loses every year in the ESPN staff fantasy baseball league, and Phillips is a former general manager in real life. He's a gamer though.
You know what else grinds my gears? The designated hitter. It's just an excuse for Jason Giambi to bat .230 for another ten years while his body eats itself without steroids. I'd rather watch Micah Owings tee off against his fellow NL pitchers.
I don't like poker or NASCAR on television either. Most students drive in circles every day on campus looking for a place to park, and if I want to watch people lose money, I'd like to share the profits.
Speaking of gear-grinding, excessive NFL Draft hype, the Yankees, six weeks of NBA playoffs that include half the league, Avery Johnson's drawl and the other three out of four years we have to hear about Michael Phelps.
And how do you shoot yourself in the leg?
I hate game-winning field goals and walk-off singles too. If the NFL wants to fix its overtime problem, just make teams have to score a touchdown to win. Defense is half the game, but you shouldn't be able to kick the ball 40 yards to win a game after 22 guys have been killing each other for three hours. Same with game-winning bloop singles. If a walk-off hit doesn't land in the bleachers, it shouldn't even count.
What is Stephen A. Smith's problem? And why is he yelling at me through the TV? Being louder doesn't make you right-er Steve. Even ESPN has decided they've had enough, and they let Joe Morgan hold a microphone.
I don't get bullpens in baseball either. When I was growing up in the 60s, Bob Gibson threw three complete games in the World Series and hit a home run himself in Game 7. Now you have to have a closer, an eighth-inning guy, two set-up guys, a couple of lefty-specialists, a swingman, a combo guard, a few lieutenants and a partridges in a pair tree.
There is way too much gear-grinding going on these days. Nate Robinson in the Slam Dunk Contest, the exploits of A-Roid and Keanu Reeves in general.
Matt Watson is the assistant sports editor of The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Monday.
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