What's in a name: mascot edition
Off the foul Pohl
Bart Pohlman
Issue date: 11/21/08 Section: Sports
There comes a time when a school's mascot makes you stop and think - "What does that even mean?"
Some mascots are funny, fierce, menacing, scary or intimidating.
But some are odd, quirky and mysterious.
This is for those mascots, the ones that no one understands.
As always, these are actual schools and actual mascots.
California-Irvine Anteaters
Of all the animals in the kingdom, and you go with anteaters? Funny-looking creatures with long snouts that are used for, of all things, ant-eating? I don't know any other creature that is intimidated by anteaters other than ants. That's sad.
Presbyterian Blue Hose
Few people actually know what the Blue Hose is, and no, it's not dark-colored pantyhose. A little bit of research will show that a Blue Hose is a fierce Scottish warrior. So let's get this straight. A Blue Hose is a man who would consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lighting from his arse. Right.
UA-Monticello Boll Weevils
If you have never seen a boll weevil, please do an image search on Google. Then ask yourself why it's a college mascot.
Stanford Cardinal
Singular mascots are bad. When the mascot is a tree, it's even worse. I could be wrong, but I don't know of a time when killer trees roamed the Earth, terrifying all creatures of the world. Sure, a cardinal is a big tree. Big whoop.
Evergreen State Geoducks
Ah, the geoduck (pronounced gooey-duck). Never has there been such an awkward-looking creature to roam the seas and seashores. Once again, do yourself a favor and do an image search for geoduck. Then sit back and have yourself a good laugh. Thank me later.
Webster Gorlocks
According to the team's Web site, a gorlock is a fabricated mythical creature "reported to have the paws of a speeding cheetah, the horns of a fierce buffalo and the face of a dependable Saint Bernard." I would say you can't make this stuff up, but apparently you can.
Some mascots are funny, fierce, menacing, scary or intimidating.
But some are odd, quirky and mysterious.
This is for those mascots, the ones that no one understands.
As always, these are actual schools and actual mascots.
California-Irvine Anteaters
Of all the animals in the kingdom, and you go with anteaters? Funny-looking creatures with long snouts that are used for, of all things, ant-eating? I don't know any other creature that is intimidated by anteaters other than ants. That's sad.
Presbyterian Blue Hose
Few people actually know what the Blue Hose is, and no, it's not dark-colored pantyhose. A little bit of research will show that a Blue Hose is a fierce Scottish warrior. So let's get this straight. A Blue Hose is a man who would consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lighting from his arse. Right.
UA-Monticello Boll Weevils
If you have never seen a boll weevil, please do an image search on Google. Then ask yourself why it's a college mascot.
Stanford Cardinal
Singular mascots are bad. When the mascot is a tree, it's even worse. I could be wrong, but I don't know of a time when killer trees roamed the Earth, terrifying all creatures of the world. Sure, a cardinal is a big tree. Big whoop.
Evergreen State Geoducks
Ah, the geoduck (pronounced gooey-duck). Never has there been such an awkward-looking creature to roam the seas and seashores. Once again, do yourself a favor and do an image search for geoduck. Then sit back and have yourself a good laugh. Thank me later.
Webster Gorlocks
According to the team's Web site, a gorlock is a fabricated mythical creature "reported to have the paws of a speeding cheetah, the horns of a fierce buffalo and the face of a dependable Saint Bernard." I would say you can't make this stuff up, but apparently you can.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 3
Shad
posted 11/21/08 @ 8:24 AM CST
This is a funny article, yet it needs a correction. Hoopeston is in Illinois and not Indiana. I actually work with two (that's right) people that are from Hoopeston, IL- Home of the Cornjerkers. (Continued…)
Jeff
posted 11/25/08 @ 3:07 PM CST
What about the Delaware Blue Hens?
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