A crisis in the making
Definition of 'marriage' is changing
Greg Karber
Issue date: 11/21/08 Section: Opinion
A quick Google search shows that silly also, at varying times, used to mean "deserving of pity," "mean," "crazy" and "holy." (I hear some of you saying that that's quite silly itself, but I'm confused: why is this particular linguistic evolution blessed?)
This is destroying our language. We must return to these traditional definitions, people! If we do not react now, strongly and swiftly, then the whole fabric of English will be ripped apart. Pretty soon, they'll have to start printing new dictionaries every year!
Definitions are so important because without definitions, nothing would be defined. Because of this, it is better for a person to commit his entire life to a hollow and loveless marriage with someone of the opposite gender than live a fulfilling life with someone he loves.
In addition to banning gay marriage (a term I use only out of convenience, as it pains me every time I type the word "gay" and don't mean "lighthearted and carefree"), there are a few other initiatives we must take to protect the traditional definition of marriage.
First off, divorce must be banned. Divorce is the only thing that's been scientifically proven to destroy marriages. Traditionally, marriage is for life, but some people think they can ignore this little rule if it improves their or their children's lives. If we're really trying to protect marriage, divorce should be the first to go.
Also, I realize that the women's rights movement has made great strides over the last hundred years. During the 20th century, American women went from disenfranchisement to representing a majority of college enrollment.
Unfortunately, ladies, you're going to have to give all of that back. In a traditional marriage, the wife acts as homemaker, taking care of the kids, washing the clothes, watching the TV soap operas, etc. She listens to her husband (traditionally defined as the "master of the house") and rarely develops her own opinions.
My apologies to all of the intelligent, opinionated, strong-willed women out there, but that's tradition: you cling to old and outdated ideas for no real reason other than that's what people seem to have been doing for years.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go brush up on my Anglo-Frisian, the West Germanic language from which English originally arose, in time for next week's column.
You can't get more traditional than that, can you?
See you next week, or as the Frisians say, "Sjen do efternei wike!"
Karber is a columnist for The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Friday.
This is destroying our language. We must return to these traditional definitions, people! If we do not react now, strongly and swiftly, then the whole fabric of English will be ripped apart. Pretty soon, they'll have to start printing new dictionaries every year!
Definitions are so important because without definitions, nothing would be defined. Because of this, it is better for a person to commit his entire life to a hollow and loveless marriage with someone of the opposite gender than live a fulfilling life with someone he loves.
In addition to banning gay marriage (a term I use only out of convenience, as it pains me every time I type the word "gay" and don't mean "lighthearted and carefree"), there are a few other initiatives we must take to protect the traditional definition of marriage.
First off, divorce must be banned. Divorce is the only thing that's been scientifically proven to destroy marriages. Traditionally, marriage is for life, but some people think they can ignore this little rule if it improves their or their children's lives. If we're really trying to protect marriage, divorce should be the first to go.
Also, I realize that the women's rights movement has made great strides over the last hundred years. During the 20th century, American women went from disenfranchisement to representing a majority of college enrollment.
Unfortunately, ladies, you're going to have to give all of that back. In a traditional marriage, the wife acts as homemaker, taking care of the kids, washing the clothes, watching the TV soap operas, etc. She listens to her husband (traditionally defined as the "master of the house") and rarely develops her own opinions.
My apologies to all of the intelligent, opinionated, strong-willed women out there, but that's tradition: you cling to old and outdated ideas for no real reason other than that's what people seem to have been doing for years.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go brush up on my Anglo-Frisian, the West Germanic language from which English originally arose, in time for next week's column.
You can't get more traditional than that, can you?
See you next week, or as the Frisians say, "Sjen do efternei wike!"
Karber is a columnist for The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Friday.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Raymond
posted 11/22/08 @ 9:58 AM CST
I'm tickled. LOL
Floyd
posted 11/24/08 @ 12:29 PM CST
Bravo: as a cheer, "well done!,"... from It., lit. "brave."
Your column is both well done and brave. Bravo, Mr. Karber.
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