What happens when you die
Sex and violence
Greg Karber
Issue date: 11/14/08 Section: Opinion
Post-judgment, you will be either be given an immediate ticket to heaven (or its equivalent, which will either be exactly like America except even better and built entirely on and with clouds or, alternatively, something more abstract) or hell (or its equivalent, which, let's face it, is probably going to involve fire and lots of it), or you will be placed in purgatory, or you will be reincarnated, or your soul will merge with an eternal consciousness, or all of your questions will be answered, or something good like that.
With this process, all the bad guys who have ever lived will be punished and all of the good ones will be rewarded. So, loyal readers, don't worry too hard about correcting the social injustices that exist on Earth now - it's all been taken care of.
"How do I know all of this?" you ask. Come on, people! I offer you the answer to the second-biggest mystery of life and you immediately start firing off questions about the most minor details. Who cares how I know it? I am an opinion writer for the most prestigious university student paper in the state, and my word carries the weight of that Authority.
You'll just have to take it at that.
Now that I've revealed a great religious truth, I'm expecting some followers. To the followers out there, the name is now His Holiness the Infrequently Wrong Greg Karber, and he asks that you please send cash in lieu of presents and don't expect to write it off.
However, I'm also expecting some critics. Certainly, there are a few people out there who will become enraged at my suggestion that they might not know for certain the exact conditions of the hereafter. Others may argue that if I really had the answers, I would back it up with actual evidence instead of a dubious appeal to the authority of a publication.
To these critics, I ask that you please send your comments to ihategregkarber@gmail.com or post it on The Arkansas Traveler Web site at thetraveleronline.com. Who knows, you might just see your diatribe quoted in a future week's "Sex and Violence"!
Greg Karber is a columnist for The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Friday.
With this process, all the bad guys who have ever lived will be punished and all of the good ones will be rewarded. So, loyal readers, don't worry too hard about correcting the social injustices that exist on Earth now - it's all been taken care of.
"How do I know all of this?" you ask. Come on, people! I offer you the answer to the second-biggest mystery of life and you immediately start firing off questions about the most minor details. Who cares how I know it? I am an opinion writer for the most prestigious university student paper in the state, and my word carries the weight of that Authority.
You'll just have to take it at that.
Now that I've revealed a great religious truth, I'm expecting some followers. To the followers out there, the name is now His Holiness the Infrequently Wrong Greg Karber, and he asks that you please send cash in lieu of presents and don't expect to write it off.
However, I'm also expecting some critics. Certainly, there are a few people out there who will become enraged at my suggestion that they might not know for certain the exact conditions of the hereafter. Others may argue that if I really had the answers, I would back it up with actual evidence instead of a dubious appeal to the authority of a publication.
To these critics, I ask that you please send your comments to ihategregkarber@gmail.com or post it on The Arkansas Traveler Web site at thetraveleronline.com. Who knows, you might just see your diatribe quoted in a future week's "Sex and Violence"!
Greg Karber is a columnist for The Arkansas Traveler. His column appears every Friday.
Viewing Comments 1 - 9 of 11
Ian Stone
posted 11/15/08 @ 3:06 PM CST
For those that want the truth. You are a Spiritual Being before you were born a human and on death your Spiritual side will leave your body.
A this moment you can choose to stay around the Earth Realm as a Spirit or Ghost or depart for your Spiritual home if you choose this option which most of you will you will be collected and guides home to your Soul Mates in the Spiritual World. (Continued…)
Brian
posted 11/17/08 @ 4:45 AM CST
The real truth is no one knows what happens...that's why it's called faith if you do happen to believe a particular way...but no one knows.
Mark McCollum
posted 11/18/08 @ 11:01 PM CST
The answer to this question is very simple: those who trust the Lord Jesus Christ and walk in his ways will enter into heaven; and those who die in iniquity without the Lord Jesus will receive eternal damnation in the lake of fire that burneth forever and ever. (Continued…)
Greg Karber
posted 11/20/08 @ 3:36 AM CST
And I pray that everyone here reads my newest column in this Friday's Traveler: it's about gay marriage, and the evangelicals are going to love it.
See you then!
kenny B
posted 11/26/08 @ 5:58 PM CST
dude, your a piece of shit. this is not true, nor scientifically correct. go read a science book on the theory of evolution, and then post and article of really what happens when you die, which is simple, your decomposing corpse rots in the ground. (Continued…)
Euphoria: Self Improvement
posted 11/29/08 @ 2:08 AM CST
We think in terms of the physical world. Cosmology teaches that outside of the physical world, there is no time and space. Our body lives in the physical world, but our soul lives outside of time and space. (Continued…)
Don
posted 12/03/08 @ 6:26 PM CST
First off, I don't think there's anything beyond what we have now. But, for the others, I would just like to ask if the "afterlife" will be both a physical and spirit existence? And can one have a consciousness of Self without the physical component? Etc etc. (Continued…)
Nancy Johnson
posted 3/11/09 @ 12:09 AM CST
Wait for next writes!
Sharon Theodoric
posted 3/11/09 @ 4:22 AM CST
I have to agree with teh poster above... :/ looks like a lot of hot air to me.
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