One of many possible elections
Sex and violence
Greg Karber
Issue date: 11/7/08 Section: Opinion
For the first time this millennium, a new U.S. president was chosen by the people instead of the Supreme Court.
But it didn't have to happen like that. It could have gone any of number of other ways, and, in fact, it probably did.
Allow me to explain.
You see, scientists have noted that our universe seems uniquely suited for life. The physical properties of our reality seem to be fine-tuned for the development of consciousness. People who believe in creationism or intelligent design say this is because God made it this way. Duh.
However, some scientists explain this mystery by positing the existence of an infinite number of parallel universes, each differing from every other one in every possible way that two universes could differ. For example, maybe in one of these parallel universes, gravity acts in reverse.
If this is the true nature of the universe (or "multiverse"), and it is quite possible that it is, then not only were there an infinite number of elections hosted Tuesday in an infinite number of parallel universes with an infinite number of different candidates, there were also an infinite number of universes that pitted that universe's Barack Obama against that universe's John McCain.
And among all of these universes, every possible thing that could have happened during the political election actually did.
For example, in one parallel universe, McCain was elected in a landslide.
In another, he choked on a pretzel and died, giving rise to an uneasy and possibly offensive joke that he was just like Bush after all, referring to George's unfortunate but nonfatal 2002 encounter with the deviously folded pastry.
In one universe, Obama's name kept him from the White House when Republican strategists realized that his initials were B.O. and seized on the opportunity to tenuously connect him to noxious armpit funk.
In another, McCain purchased an eighth house for himself and then immediately tried to upgrade to two red plastic hotels. McCain said anyone attempting to thwart the development of this "monopoly" was "just another socialist scam artist peddling his death wares, like free health care or making sure everyone has enough food not to starve."
But it didn't have to happen like that. It could have gone any of number of other ways, and, in fact, it probably did.
Allow me to explain.
You see, scientists have noted that our universe seems uniquely suited for life. The physical properties of our reality seem to be fine-tuned for the development of consciousness. People who believe in creationism or intelligent design say this is because God made it this way. Duh.
However, some scientists explain this mystery by positing the existence of an infinite number of parallel universes, each differing from every other one in every possible way that two universes could differ. For example, maybe in one of these parallel universes, gravity acts in reverse.
If this is the true nature of the universe (or "multiverse"), and it is quite possible that it is, then not only were there an infinite number of elections hosted Tuesday in an infinite number of parallel universes with an infinite number of different candidates, there were also an infinite number of universes that pitted that universe's Barack Obama against that universe's John McCain.
And among all of these universes, every possible thing that could have happened during the political election actually did.
For example, in one parallel universe, McCain was elected in a landslide.
In another, he choked on a pretzel and died, giving rise to an uneasy and possibly offensive joke that he was just like Bush after all, referring to George's unfortunate but nonfatal 2002 encounter with the deviously folded pastry.
In one universe, Obama's name kept him from the White House when Republican strategists realized that his initials were B.O. and seized on the opportunity to tenuously connect him to noxious armpit funk.
In another, McCain purchased an eighth house for himself and then immediately tried to upgrade to two red plastic hotels. McCain said anyone attempting to thwart the development of this "monopoly" was "just another socialist scam artist peddling his death wares, like free health care or making sure everyone has enough food not to starve."
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jivetownjimmy
Caleb P. Rose
posted 11/07/08 @ 2:08 PM CST
The first time this millennium the vote was not decided by the Supreme Court? I distinctly remember John Kerry calling President Bush to concede the election despite the voting issues being reported. (Continued…)
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