Controlling the rumor mills of the 2008 presidential election
Sex and Violence
Greg Karber
Issue date: 10/24/08 Section: Opinion
During this election season, the rumor mill has been put to heavy use, grinding deeply entrenched cultural fears into slanderous lies, and one candidate has suffered far more greatly than the others.
I am referring, of course, to John McCain. The deeply entrenched cultural fear is ageism. And under the weight of all these lies and accusations, John McCain's campaign seems dangerously close to falling and not being able to get up.
So I've taken it upon myself to clear the record on some of the more vicious rumors that have been spread about the oldest and certainly the proudest-to-be-oldest candidate to ever run for the presidency of the United States of America.
John McCain does not have an illegitimate child.
John McCain did not consider leaving the Republican Party at any time.
John McCain did not have an affair with Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman in 2000. John McCain has never literally been in bed with Washington lobbyists.
John McCain is not a supporter of the metric system, which is used by the French, among others.
John McCain is not illiterate. John McCain reads at a level several grades above W's.
(This rumor probably got started when John McCain said he was "computer illiterate," which doesn't mean he can't read, only that he's clueless when it comes to one of the largest and fastest growing industries in the world.)
John McCain did not flip-flop on the issue of Roe v. Wade. His ideological switch from pro-choice to pro-life is only a flip, and just because he flipped doesn't necessarily mean he'll flop.
John McCain's flip on abortion is not a political charade.
John McCain is not a secret Hindu.
John McCain is not on death's doorstep.
A vote for John McCain is not a vote for Sarah Palin.
Let the Republican Party assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that John McCain will not die in the next four years, under any circumstances, and Sarah Palin will not become president.
I am referring, of course, to John McCain. The deeply entrenched cultural fear is ageism. And under the weight of all these lies and accusations, John McCain's campaign seems dangerously close to falling and not being able to get up.
So I've taken it upon myself to clear the record on some of the more vicious rumors that have been spread about the oldest and certainly the proudest-to-be-oldest candidate to ever run for the presidency of the United States of America.
John McCain does not have an illegitimate child.
John McCain did not consider leaving the Republican Party at any time.
John McCain did not have an affair with Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman in 2000. John McCain has never literally been in bed with Washington lobbyists.
John McCain is not a supporter of the metric system, which is used by the French, among others.
John McCain is not illiterate. John McCain reads at a level several grades above W's.
(This rumor probably got started when John McCain said he was "computer illiterate," which doesn't mean he can't read, only that he's clueless when it comes to one of the largest and fastest growing industries in the world.)
John McCain did not flip-flop on the issue of Roe v. Wade. His ideological switch from pro-choice to pro-life is only a flip, and just because he flipped doesn't necessarily mean he'll flop.
John McCain's flip on abortion is not a political charade.
John McCain is not a secret Hindu.
John McCain is not on death's doorstep.
A vote for John McCain is not a vote for Sarah Palin.
Let the Republican Party assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that John McCain will not die in the next four years, under any circumstances, and Sarah Palin will not become president.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Alex
posted 10/24/08 @ 12:16 PM CST
HOLY CRAP!!!.. Sarcasm and irony!!..
Its been awhile since I've read some decent sarcasm and irony in the Traveler. Kudos to you Mr. Karber.
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