Bobby Petrino for President of the United States
Swinging for the Fences
Matt Watson
Issue date: 10/6/08 Section: Sports
I know, it sounds crazy. But stay with me.
I just had this epiphany the other day-Petrino is the ultimate strategist. He'd make a tremendous war general. He'd be the guy who dominates your fantasy football league every year, who can't seem to lose in monopoly and somehow goes on a winning streak in bingo.
Sure, the Hogs have lost three straight games by a combined 108 points, but big deal. Alabama, Texas and Florida are now No. 2, No. 5, and 11 in the country, respectively.
Yeah, Petrino and company barely beat Western Illinois and Louisiana-Monroe. But win by one or lose by 30, wins and losses are just wins and losses in the win-loss columns.
So what's the point?
Petrino wins when he's supposed to win and loses when he's probably going to lose.
But everybody knows you don't have to win every battle to win the war. Or, to not finish last in the Southeastern Conference.
Maybe, just maybe, Petrino is picking his battles. Maybe he knew the Razorbacks weren't going to beat Alabama. Maybe he knew going to Austin was a bad idea. Maybe he knew Florida was just kidding when it penalized itself over and over, desperately trying to lose the game, teasing Arkansas fans and then covering the spread at the last minute.
Maybe all this time, the Hogs have been preparing for Mississippi State. Maybe Arkansas already has a gameplan for South Carolina. Maybe the Razorbacks will go knock out the Auburn Tigers next Saturday, thus proving this ridiculous theory I'm proposing just so fans can pretend the Hogs will have a chance next week.
Yes, Arkansas played a lot better against Florida than in the previous two weeks. Maybe the previous four weeks. But they still haven't turned in a respectable four quarters in a row.
And for the record, I think the Razorbacks do actually have a chance next week, but I also thought the Cubs might actually win the World Series this year. But the apocalypse was delayed, the Cubbies are now 0-for-100 since 1908 in winning the World Series the Rays are the team to beat. Maybe the apocalypse should stick around for a couple weeks.
I just had this epiphany the other day-Petrino is the ultimate strategist. He'd make a tremendous war general. He'd be the guy who dominates your fantasy football league every year, who can't seem to lose in monopoly and somehow goes on a winning streak in bingo.
Sure, the Hogs have lost three straight games by a combined 108 points, but big deal. Alabama, Texas and Florida are now No. 2, No. 5, and 11 in the country, respectively.
Yeah, Petrino and company barely beat Western Illinois and Louisiana-Monroe. But win by one or lose by 30, wins and losses are just wins and losses in the win-loss columns.
So what's the point?
Petrino wins when he's supposed to win and loses when he's probably going to lose.
But everybody knows you don't have to win every battle to win the war. Or, to not finish last in the Southeastern Conference.
Maybe, just maybe, Petrino is picking his battles. Maybe he knew the Razorbacks weren't going to beat Alabama. Maybe he knew going to Austin was a bad idea. Maybe he knew Florida was just kidding when it penalized itself over and over, desperately trying to lose the game, teasing Arkansas fans and then covering the spread at the last minute.
Maybe all this time, the Hogs have been preparing for Mississippi State. Maybe Arkansas already has a gameplan for South Carolina. Maybe the Razorbacks will go knock out the Auburn Tigers next Saturday, thus proving this ridiculous theory I'm proposing just so fans can pretend the Hogs will have a chance next week.
Yes, Arkansas played a lot better against Florida than in the previous two weeks. Maybe the previous four weeks. But they still haven't turned in a respectable four quarters in a row.
And for the record, I think the Razorbacks do actually have a chance next week, but I also thought the Cubs might actually win the World Series this year. But the apocalypse was delayed, the Cubbies are now 0-for-100 since 1908 in winning the World Series the Rays are the team to beat. Maybe the apocalypse should stick around for a couple weeks.
Be the first to comment on this story