Vote for whom I tell you
Sex and Violence
Greg Karber
Issue date: 10/3/08 Section: Opinion
I'm a bit of a political junkie.
I want you to know that right now, get that out there before I start going on and on about the obscure details of our American system, like the "First Amendment" or this thing called the "Congress," which is the part of our government that makes the laws.
Don't worry. I'm not going to test you on this.
I also want to apologize if any of this column goes over your head. I'm not trying to say you're stupid. You're just ignorant, and ignorance has a cure. Unfortunately, your health insurance won't pay for the pills. So instead, you'll have to settle for me. I provide temporary relief from ignorance in the form of column-based knowledge.
Read up. Enjoy.
You see, we have this election coming up for something called the presidency of the United States of America. (It's a pretty big deal.) What happens is a bunch of rich white guys all apply for this really big job, and then the American people decide which one they would prefer to invite to a barbecue based on sound bites and vague promises. This person is then put in charge of our entire country.
But this time, it's different.
This time, John McCain is running.
And John McCain is a man we can all count on. John McCain is a hero. John McCain saved his wife and several of his co-workers from the Eurotrash clutches of master criminal Hans Gruber. In the sequel, John McCain prevented thousands of planes from crashing. I'm not so sure what he did in the third one, but it had something to do with vengeance.
Just last summer, he overcame old age to save the world, his daughter, Justin Long and his reputation for being a badass. He also drove a car into an Asian woman (don't worry about her: she knew kung-fu) and another one into a helicopter. While it was in flight. Then he fought a jump jet with his fists.
So when I heard that this man, this American Hero, was running for president, I was ecstatic. I believe my exact words were "yippee-ki-yay," followed by an expletive.
I want you to know that right now, get that out there before I start going on and on about the obscure details of our American system, like the "First Amendment" or this thing called the "Congress," which is the part of our government that makes the laws.
Don't worry. I'm not going to test you on this.
I also want to apologize if any of this column goes over your head. I'm not trying to say you're stupid. You're just ignorant, and ignorance has a cure. Unfortunately, your health insurance won't pay for the pills. So instead, you'll have to settle for me. I provide temporary relief from ignorance in the form of column-based knowledge.
Read up. Enjoy.
You see, we have this election coming up for something called the presidency of the United States of America. (It's a pretty big deal.) What happens is a bunch of rich white guys all apply for this really big job, and then the American people decide which one they would prefer to invite to a barbecue based on sound bites and vague promises. This person is then put in charge of our entire country.
But this time, it's different.
This time, John McCain is running.
And John McCain is a man we can all count on. John McCain is a hero. John McCain saved his wife and several of his co-workers from the Eurotrash clutches of master criminal Hans Gruber. In the sequel, John McCain prevented thousands of planes from crashing. I'm not so sure what he did in the third one, but it had something to do with vengeance.
Just last summer, he overcame old age to save the world, his daughter, Justin Long and his reputation for being a badass. He also drove a car into an Asian woman (don't worry about her: she knew kung-fu) and another one into a helicopter. While it was in flight. Then he fought a jump jet with his fists.
So when I heard that this man, this American Hero, was running for president, I was ecstatic. I believe my exact words were "yippee-ki-yay," followed by an expletive.
Viewing Comments 1 - 7 of 7
CW
posted 10/03/08 @ 10:14 AM CST
As a UA alumni who considers himself to be well-educated, I cannot fathom why the Traveler would print such garbage...especially from their own staff. (Continued…)
BS
posted 10/03/08 @ 7:16 PM CST
Self-indulgant loser writer. Offers nothing.
Sam Johnson
posted 10/03/08 @ 10:49 PM CST
dude wtf???! it's not john mcLane that's running, thats bruce willises' character in die Hard. idiot!!
John McClain
posted 10/05/08 @ 12:25 PM CST
Wow! The worst part of this whole thing is that you call everyone an idiot in the 1st paragraph and than you write a 2 page article about absolutely nothing. (Continued…)
BS 2
posted 10/05/08 @ 9:55 PM CST
This is the typical mindset and rational for an Obamanite giving a rebuttal. You just can't expect much from the person or the ticket. But if you want to be cool and trendy, you know where to go. (Continued…)
Mark McCollum
posted 10/06/08 @ 3:02 PM CST
I'm not sure why the Traveler published this absolute piece of CRAP. There is nothing funny or good worth talking about, and this just shows how far down the Traveler is now. (Continued…)
BS 3
posted 10/08/08 @ 2:55 AM CST
The Traveler knows no bottom. This author hit rock and started digging. I don't know about the self professed 'political junkie' but one of the two words probably fits. (Continued…)
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