'Ma'am' is a four-letter word
Culture Science
NIketa Reed
Issue date: 9/19/08 Section: Opinion
In the South, "ma'am" is a loose term. And it's so casual. It's used to address women, particularly those who are elders, superiors and no-names.
Ma'am also is used to ask for clarity as a throwaway expression, with vocal inflections, and commonly coupled with "yes" or "no." This word has definitely become a part of the Southern vernacular.
If in doubt, try to use it in any other region of the U.S. Depending on where you are and whom you're addressing, the word quickly becomes something nasty and hurtful to middle-aged women severely in denial about their ages.
Take my home state, Illinois, for example. Although I consider myself an honorary Southerner, there are cultural habits from the South I have to remember to turn off when I visit.
Among these habits are requests for sweet tea, saying "y'all" in place of "you guys," the strange phenomena surrounding Southern hospitality, and that dirty little word "ma'am" that elsewhere is a signifier for age.
This innocuous word that generally symbolizes respect can easily generate angry and sensitive responses. Among the most common, there is: "Oh, I'm not that old," "How old do you think I am?" "I prefer 'miss,'" or the nonverbal facial expression of shock that says, "Are you kidding me?" That, plus the notion of "ma'am" sounding flat-out old-fashioned.
Compared to its male counterpart, "sir," "ma'am" recently has joined the ranks with "hon" and "sweetie."
But "sir" is a shining star, often taking the high road in formal conversations versus an implication to one's age. When was the last time a man has gotten upset when addressed as "sir"? He might have said, "Call me Bill," but he didn't have an emotional breakdown.
"Ma'am" has had a curious career. I'm willing to bet her sister title, "Senora," hasn't experienced half as much turbulence. She's been served a fatal blow by age-defying marketers who have undoubtedly villainized her as the ugly old woman who lived in a shoe. The "m" is for maturity, and coupled with age, people believe beauty diminishes in their presence.
Ma'am also is used to ask for clarity as a throwaway expression, with vocal inflections, and commonly coupled with "yes" or "no." This word has definitely become a part of the Southern vernacular.
If in doubt, try to use it in any other region of the U.S. Depending on where you are and whom you're addressing, the word quickly becomes something nasty and hurtful to middle-aged women severely in denial about their ages.
Take my home state, Illinois, for example. Although I consider myself an honorary Southerner, there are cultural habits from the South I have to remember to turn off when I visit.
Among these habits are requests for sweet tea, saying "y'all" in place of "you guys," the strange phenomena surrounding Southern hospitality, and that dirty little word "ma'am" that elsewhere is a signifier for age.
This innocuous word that generally symbolizes respect can easily generate angry and sensitive responses. Among the most common, there is: "Oh, I'm not that old," "How old do you think I am?" "I prefer 'miss,'" or the nonverbal facial expression of shock that says, "Are you kidding me?" That, plus the notion of "ma'am" sounding flat-out old-fashioned.
Compared to its male counterpart, "sir," "ma'am" recently has joined the ranks with "hon" and "sweetie."
But "sir" is a shining star, often taking the high road in formal conversations versus an implication to one's age. When was the last time a man has gotten upset when addressed as "sir"? He might have said, "Call me Bill," but he didn't have an emotional breakdown.
"Ma'am" has had a curious career. I'm willing to bet her sister title, "Senora," hasn't experienced half as much turbulence. She's been served a fatal blow by age-defying marketers who have undoubtedly villainized her as the ugly old woman who lived in a shoe. The "m" is for maturity, and coupled with age, people believe beauty diminishes in their presence.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
elle
posted 9/22/08 @ 7:06 PM CST
I would be careful not to blame middle aged women who dislike the term ma'am as being in denial about their age. I am 44 and dislike the term because it is inherently sexist as well as ageist. (Continued…)
rtg3388
Sheila
posted 9/23/08 @ 9:41 PM CST
Elle, it is your opinion (which I respect) that "ma'am" is sexist and ageist. It is my opinion (as well as that of mainstream southern society) that it is simply a polite word. (Continued…)
Lemonade Diet
posted 9/26/08 @ 3:58 AM CST
When I first address people, I just say excuse me. You really do not have to call someone by name or title, Niketa. In fact, Niketa, if someone calls you by name a lot, they are usually trying to sell you something. (Continued…)
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