Remember life to deal with death, professor says
Jonathan Crabtree
Issue date: 3/14/08 Section: News
One method, however, did work for Gutierrez.
"Me and some of her friends would meet and hang out and talk about April, and I think that was really good. Just talking to people that I know are going through the same thing worked for me a lot," Gutierrez said.
"The most important thing about grieving is making, creating and taking advantage of opportunities to express feelings," Perry said.
"The most important thing we ever can't buy but need is a support network of people around us," King said. "So over the next couple of days, and as there's a funeral and memorial service, it's going to be important for people to have other people around them. Don't be strangers to each other. Don't go off and grieve by yourself."
While having a support network can help, that network usually thins as time goes by and others begin to grieve less intensely, Perry said.
"Society gives us three or four months, but the first stage of grief is really about a yearlong process," Perry said. "So you get about two-thirds of it to do pretty much on our own."
AVOID SEDATION
There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve, but there are some things that are not very constructive, Perry said.
"I would probably say, 'Don't get drunk,' but that's the therapist in me," King said. "Sedation doesn't help us grieve. Whether it's prescription medicine or alcohol, it's probably not a good idea, because then we just wake up later and we've still got the grief," he said.
Sometimes people do those sort of things because they're so angry, hurt or bereft and feeling so empty that they'll do things that are unwise, Perry said.
"You need to take care of yourself rather than doing the opposite," he added.
GENERATION'S INNOVATIONS
"I actually think that you all do grieving better than my generation did," Perry said. "There was that old notion that grief was something to be dealt with stoically," he said.
A lot of people got stuck with these emotions they couldn't express, and "years later they're still grieving," he said.
"Me and some of her friends would meet and hang out and talk about April, and I think that was really good. Just talking to people that I know are going through the same thing worked for me a lot," Gutierrez said.
"The most important thing about grieving is making, creating and taking advantage of opportunities to express feelings," Perry said.
"The most important thing we ever can't buy but need is a support network of people around us," King said. "So over the next couple of days, and as there's a funeral and memorial service, it's going to be important for people to have other people around them. Don't be strangers to each other. Don't go off and grieve by yourself."
While having a support network can help, that network usually thins as time goes by and others begin to grieve less intensely, Perry said.
"Society gives us three or four months, but the first stage of grief is really about a yearlong process," Perry said. "So you get about two-thirds of it to do pretty much on our own."
AVOID SEDATION
There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve, but there are some things that are not very constructive, Perry said.
"I would probably say, 'Don't get drunk,' but that's the therapist in me," King said. "Sedation doesn't help us grieve. Whether it's prescription medicine or alcohol, it's probably not a good idea, because then we just wake up later and we've still got the grief," he said.
Sometimes people do those sort of things because they're so angry, hurt or bereft and feeling so empty that they'll do things that are unwise, Perry said.
"You need to take care of yourself rather than doing the opposite," he added.
GENERATION'S INNOVATIONS
"I actually think that you all do grieving better than my generation did," Perry said. "There was that old notion that grief was something to be dealt with stoically," he said.
A lot of people got stuck with these emotions they couldn't express, and "years later they're still grieving," he said.
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Fasting
posted 3/15/08 @ 1:44 AM CST
The death of a friend is one of the hardest things in life to deal with. But it also reminds us of what we will have to face someday.
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