Tradition? Try moving into this century
A confederacy of dunces
Noel Runyan
Issue date: 1/16/08 Section: Opinion
As much as the feminists and the anthropologists would hate to admit it, Americans are looking for a father figure in the President, too. So Hillary Clinton might as well abandon the 'Mother Earth' act before I expose her as the poseur she knows herself to be. I am deadly serious, just as every good presidential candidate should be.
Perhaps Clinton might consider arriving at one of her rallies by emerging from a bog with camouflaged face in the manner of Martin Sheen's Captain Marlowe in "Apocalypse Now." There is, of course, the matter of that inconvenient movie title, so it might prove difficult to build a campaign of hope around such an image. But, I digress.
The material point here is that nothing instills confidence and a sense of security in the American electorate more than a head of state who is prepared to journey into a veritable heart of darkness and slay the innumerable little Colonel Kurtz-type conundrums that bedevil honest, hard-working folks. And if our leader emerges emotionally and physically shattered, then we'll build him a nice library.
What we are confronted with today is a subliminal urge to return to the traditional. What could be more traditional than a stern-but-loving father figure, who will tousel your hair when you hit a home run and beat you with his belt when the ball ends up going through the windshield of the station wagon?
Yes, even the pro-choice women who are loudly and proudly in charge of their bodies and careers have succumbed. There's no way around it; it's just part of being an American.
You see, what Americans want, along with all other human beings, I suppose, is nothing more than unity and stability. We yearn for it in our leaders' speech, mannerisms and, not the least of all, in their actual approaches to the job - the taxing and war-mongering and what not that takes up the majority of the President's time.
I can think of no other reason why Americans are so preoccupied with the personal lives of our presidential candidates. Obviously, there is some deep-rooted nostalgia at play here, or we wouldn't insist on scrutinizing a candidate's marital status and declaring any man married more than once unfit for high public office.
Perhaps Clinton might consider arriving at one of her rallies by emerging from a bog with camouflaged face in the manner of Martin Sheen's Captain Marlowe in "Apocalypse Now." There is, of course, the matter of that inconvenient movie title, so it might prove difficult to build a campaign of hope around such an image. But, I digress.
The material point here is that nothing instills confidence and a sense of security in the American electorate more than a head of state who is prepared to journey into a veritable heart of darkness and slay the innumerable little Colonel Kurtz-type conundrums that bedevil honest, hard-working folks. And if our leader emerges emotionally and physically shattered, then we'll build him a nice library.
What we are confronted with today is a subliminal urge to return to the traditional. What could be more traditional than a stern-but-loving father figure, who will tousel your hair when you hit a home run and beat you with his belt when the ball ends up going through the windshield of the station wagon?
Yes, even the pro-choice women who are loudly and proudly in charge of their bodies and careers have succumbed. There's no way around it; it's just part of being an American.
You see, what Americans want, along with all other human beings, I suppose, is nothing more than unity and stability. We yearn for it in our leaders' speech, mannerisms and, not the least of all, in their actual approaches to the job - the taxing and war-mongering and what not that takes up the majority of the President's time.
I can think of no other reason why Americans are so preoccupied with the personal lives of our presidential candidates. Obviously, there is some deep-rooted nostalgia at play here, or we wouldn't insist on scrutinizing a candidate's marital status and declaring any man married more than once unfit for high public office.
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